weapons of mass destruction | 2

This is the second installment of my series on the crazy pandemic that has become women's footwear. As I stated yesterday, I was intrigued when I ran across descriptive phrases on the internet such as "Aggressive Accessories", "Architectural Shoes", and the latest find, "Iconic Footwear". So today, I thought I would list my top five WMD's...the three basic criteria for selection were:

1. Price
   
2. Height
   
3. Discomfort
   

Let the insanity begin, Miss B.

FIVE:

Coming in at number five is basically a haute couture patent leather peep toe saddle shoe by Giuseppe Zanotti. Retails for a mere $850 and comes with a years supply of Dr. Scholl's corn remover pads.

FOUR:

Up next is a little black evening sandal by Viktor's Rolf that I would challenge any woman to keep on her feet without an ample application of super glue, [of which I would recommend Bondini Brush On, the super-duper testosterone cousin to super glue]. Retailing at $1049, you'll make a huge impression when you nose dive into the floor wearing these babies.

THREE:

What do you get when you combine a shoe, a hockey puck and an end table? Thanks to John Galliano, now we know. Price tag $1066.

TWO:

Gucci makes the list at number two with their $1275 shoe called "Iman". I would pair these with a couple ace bandages, a bottle of Percocet and a Riesling chaser.

ONE:

And finally, in the number one slot is crazy wack-a-doodle Alexander McQueen. This shoe costs $16,320...well...actually the shoe retails for $1320, but you may as well plan ahead and put $15,000 in the bank for the Spondylodesis Fushion [ie: back surgery] that you're going to be scheduling 10 years from now. 

References for Orthopedic surgeons are available upon request.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Prada $779

Miu Miu $635

[sidenote: Miu Miu translated from Italian means "Ow Ow"]