20 March 2013

iPant, therefore I am...

I wanted to bring to your attention a revolutionary pair of underwear that will end going to the gym, reverse the signs of aging, decrease fat, make your skin smooth, increase the firmness of your bootimus maximus...parallel park your car, make out your grocery list and end global warming.

...okay, the last three are totally made up, but zsheezsh...who knew that wearing a little spandex could accomplish the same results as a low fat diet, gallons of body lotion and a work out? Sign me up! In fact, make a big pod out of the stuff and I'll just cocoon myself in it for a couple months.


First of all, why do they always use a toned, fat-less woman to model these things? Like she needs or wears one? Hardly. Unless you've got some muffin top spillage to show for yourself over that waist band there, then it's more than likely you don't need the thing.

Second, little did I know that caffeine "promotes fat destruction". Here I've been drinking 2 cups of coffee every morning for who knows how long when I should have just been pouring it over my a**.

Third, I find it interesting that they call it "iPant", because that's pretty much what I do every time I try to squeeze my biscuit into some shapewear. I usually end up laying on the floor of my closet fanning myself with my bra and taking a 5 minute breather.

It retails for $60 at major retailers and the directions say you should wear it 8 hours a day for 28 days to see the results. My guess is that the leg squats and contortions it would take to get the thing on and off just to pee is probably the main cause of the skin firmness...I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Hugs all around...Miss Bea

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