Miss Bea Heyvin's Oh No You Din't Valentine's Day Gift List

Monday, February 14th is Valentine's Day in the United States. I'm actually not sure if Valentine's Day is international...hmmm...something to Google later. At it's roots, however, it's supposed to be a day to express love to those significant others in your life. But I think, at least in the US, it's become a cash cow for card stores, candy companies and florists...creating more angst and forced expressions of love than any holiday should have the power to do.

So for those of you who are contemplating 'out-of-the-box' Valentine's gift options...let me just advise you to stick to the basics and save your creativity for another holiday....unless, of course, you want to sleep on the couch for the next decade.

And so, I give you the "2011 Miss Bea Heyvin's Top Ten Oh No You Din't Valentine's Day Gift List":

#10. If you're going for a big blow up on Valentine's Day, this is just the ticket.

#9. Uncommon Goods is offering this 'Personlized Stump Ring' for $210.
Oh, she'll be stumped alright.

#8. Nothing says love like these hooker leg warmers.
Yours on Etsy for $30.

#7. Sexy lingerie made out of fuzzy fleece.
The heart is removable in the event that your loved one
would like to wear it for other occasions. $24 on Etsy.

#6. Cashmere V-neck sweater adorned with an angora
anatomical heart. A mere $75 on Etsy...
It's c-a-s-h-m-e-r-e people...you pay for quality.

#5. Perfect for the art aficionado, this one of a kind...
sculpture-thingy called "Thorns of Love".
Etsy $31.46.

#4. Yarn wreath for $48...I literally have no words.

#3. Light up bra. Because at my age, I really want to highlight
my waistline...which is where 'the girl' are currently hanging out.

#2. Farkus. $35. Etsy. This is an unfortunate use of a sock.

#1. From Uncommon Goods, a $48 heart spatula. Were I to
receive this from my husband, I would know right where to put it.

Shake your groove thang, shake your groove thang, yea yea, Miss Bea.