25 January 2012

oz-tentatious

I know this will sound a bit out of character for me, but I kind of like the Osbourne's. Not the television show mind you...and not so much Ozzy...(although he is growing on me the older he gets)...but I'm referring to mum Sharon and her spawn, Kelly. If you haven't caught Kelly on "Fashion Police"...

...yes people...I watch Fashion Police...get over it...

Anyway, Kelly on "FP", she's quite astute and entertaining. Of course that may be solely due to the fact that I would buy dog poo if someone with a British accent were selling it.

So I usually don't have the Osbourne's on my fashion radar, but lately...yowza...like, what is with Kelly's hair?

She went from blond to...terrier taupe to Anderson Cooper white in a matter of a couple weeks. Sweetie...pick a color and stick with it before all your hair falls out.

So between the People's Choice Awards and the Golden Globes, the Oz-ettes have had quite of bit of red carpet time. And I have to say that it was all a bit Cirque d' Soleil for me.
If you used a bedazzler on a potato sack, this is pretty much what it would look like. So let me tell you what's going on here. When you're young and your estrogen is flowing, you really don't think much about aging body parts that are totally out of control and doing their own thing. The last time my husband and I went to a formal event, I searched everywhere to find an evening gown that would support and cover everything. Trust me...it's near to impossible. I was so desperate, I almost bought a turtleneck to wear under a strapless dress.

...well...maybe not that bad, but you get the idea. You want to cover your arms because you've suddenly become aware that every time you wave at someone, the extra skin on the back of your arms is hitting the person's face next to you. Your 'decollete' has more creases and age spots then a map of the moon and your tatas...well, don't even get me started on those. More often then not, when you lay on your back, they're nestled under your arm pits.

...it is NOT pretty, people.

Anyhoo...this dress just doesn't do anything for her. It needs to nip in a little at the waist...maybe a boatneck, sheer sleeve and a modest slit to show a little leg. Since she's so petite, I would actually put her in a to-the-knee cocktail dress like this.
So on to the Golden Globes...it gets a little better, but the fabric choice on this dress is way too toile-esque. With some modifications, I think this Carlos Miele gown would have been lovely on her.

And then there was Kelly.

This gown from Andrew Gn might be a little too old for her, but at least it looks more like a gown and not a tear-away athletic suit.
I like that she wore blue to the Golden Globes, but the fabric on the Zac Posen gown just didn't photograph well. And it's kind of a fussy gown. Looks great on the runway, but in real life, it's impossible for the bottom to not look like a wadded up mess. Reese Whitherspoon wore a Zac Posen red dress and had the same problem. I would have selected the Peter Som dress...very youthful, a little sexy with the leg showing and the fabric had such a beautiful drape to it.
Here's the Zac Posen gown under all the right circumstances. Some dresses just don't translate well to the red carpet...and this would be one of them. Stunning though. If you want to see more of his 2012 collection, click here. It's SO worth it!

Alas the time has come for me to actually do some 'real' work...well maybe 'real' isn't the best word...how about 'paying'...$$$...so I best skedaddle for now. xoxo, Miss Bea

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