dear helen mirren

Either someone decided to DIY or the check bounced when their stylist went to cash it. Either way...never, EVER, do this again. It reminds me of when Beau, my Uncle Jasper's hound dog ate the foil off all Aunt Libby's prized African violets and proceeded to leave glittery lawn ornaments in the Fenstermacher's back yard.

Being a menopausal 50+ year old woman, I think I kind of know what's going on here. It really is extremely difficult to find age appropriate evening wear that not only covers everything, but keeps it all locked and loaded. So that black shrug thing? Merely window dressing for the chicken skin that hangs off the back of your arms when your estrogen bails and your metabolism tanks like a turtle stampeding through peanut butter.

So Helen-dear...a couple observations:
1) Cute hair...love the new do.
2) The shoes...too matchy-match-again. With that dress, you don't need anything else screaming Barney-gone-disco.
3) Appreciate that you have a confident body image, but if rubbing two sticks together can start a forest fire, then you better carry a fire extinguisher for those thighs. Cuz honey, they look like they could ignite any second in that dress.

Love you Helen...I think you're fabulous and always impeccably styled. But this latest foray into the world of matronly prom dresses is just not right for you. xoxo, Miss Bea.

Styled for Helen Mirren by Miss Bea Heyvin

PS/...almost forgot, if you hit the red carpet at the Golden Globes, try out this Oscar de la Renta gown from his 2011 Pre-Fall collection.

Oscar de la Renta