Oh Cameron...not again

Oh Cameron...dearness...have we not been down this road before? Sigh and double sigh. I was looking at your red carpet pictures from the MTV Movie Awards and I am as confounded as a one legged man at a butt kicking contest. It's not that you don't have money, right? And you live in California, where there are clothing boutiques, Starbucks and Sushi bars on every corner, correct? And there isn't a shortage of designers who wouldn't give up their Louis Vuitton luggage just to have you wear one of their pieces, right?

Then why, oh why do you show up in public wearing this? Seriously, help me out here.

The top, certainly a lovely color to bring out your eyes, seemed vaguely familiar to me. I kept mulling it over in my head, "Where have I seen that before? And then it dawned on me...

So then I thought, well maybe you were thinking, "Okay, I really want to wear this top, so what do I have in my closet that will go with it?" Because, honestly, I do that all the time...pick out one piece of clothing that I want to wear and then waste another half hour standin' around in my delicates with half my closet now tossed on the floor.  I digress...so I'm thinking, "Well maybe it's hard to find electric blue shoes."

Okay. That doesn't seem to be the problem. So the only other reasons I can muster are that you just don't give a rip or you just don't give a rip.

Well, it's not like I haven't offered before, but if you need a stylist, just have your people call my people, which would be me, and we can meet for lunch at the Waffle House down the street. [It's next to the Iron Pony Motorcycle Shop that used to be a K-Mart]

In the meantime...let's play a quick game of what I like to call "This Not This".

AND all of this.

Love ya mean it, Miss B.

rumer doesn't have it

I really don't make it a habit to ding on the younger celebrities. I figure that in time, they will grow into their own style...or make enough money in the industry to afford a stylist to dress them. But, I just can't let this go on any longer. Rumer...honey...consider this some tough love from your Auntie B. First of all, let me just say that I cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to have celebrity parents. A mom who seems to be defying time and gravity. A dad who just married someone...well, let's call a spade a spade...both your mom and dad married "someones" who are half their age, which is also "your" age, which is just icky. For me, that alone would be enough to program Dr. Phil on my speed dial. So, I guess since you've come from Hollywood royalty, so to speak, I've made an incorrect assumption about you. In my head, it seems to me that all this public-personna-get-dolled-up-deal would be second nature to you...but, unfortunately it appears that is not the case. Let's take your recent red carpet appearance at the MTV Movie Awards as an example.

I'm getting a migraine just looking at this. Okay, let's start with a few basics. If you're going to be taken seriously in Hollywood, you better start dressing like a star, rather than some frumpy schlumpy co-ed who glued her art project onto her roomate's tube dress. That thing you're wearing may be a designer piece, but it looks like crap, and it does all the wrong things to your body.

Next basic to consider. Know your physical flaws and work with what you have. Fashion is all about 'illusion'...finding the right makeup-hairstyle-dress-whatever to conceal the bad and accentuate the good. For example, it probably doesn't come as a big surprise to you that you have a long face. So, it stands to reason that pulling your hair back away from your face and wearing a strapless dress is equal to yelling into a bullhorn, "Hey everyone, look at my really long face". So, at least a couple ways to go at this would be,

1)get a haircut that flatters your face
2)get a haircolor that doesn't glow-in-the-dark


Hmmm...I'm not sure this helped. Anyway...

3)wear earrings that will draw the eye up and out
4)choose dresses that have wider straps or boatnecks

Lastly, take some modeling classes and learn not only how to use light and angles to pose for a picture, but also how to stand. As my mother always said, "Pull your shoulders back honey or you'll end up all hunched over like Aunt Tillie." And none of us want that now do we.

TTFN, Miss B.