Ugful

ug' ful (uhg-fuhl); the amalgam of the words 'ugly' and 'awful'. As used in a sentence: The fashion at the Golden Globes last night was 'ugful' to infinity x 2.  

...whoa...and that's my opinion after a good night's sleep, 3 cups of coffee and a humongo bowl of Captain Crunch cereal...with fat free milk of course because I am trying to cut back. But seriously, it looked like a bad remake of the movie '27 Dresses'. The last time I saw that many bridesmaid dresses in one place was when Bridalrama had a 2fer sale down at the Vets Memorial. It's almost like everyone wore their "Plan B" dress and they're saving the good stuff for the Academy Awards. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...you don't have to be a chicken to know when it's a rotten egg.

Alot of fashion insiders thought this was gorgeous. I don't get it. It seemed really contrived to me. I never thought I would say this, but Angelina sweetie, stick with black. Yes it's boring, but at least it's not this. The one thing I will say that is positive about this dress is at least if you get a lipstick smudge on the collar, you won't have to make a mad dash to the ladies room with your Tide-To-Go pen.

Elie Tahari. I'd love to see AJ in this.

Alot of ivory and blush on the red carpet this year. I don't mind soft neutrals...I think they're very classic and elegant. I just would have chosen different dresses.

Nicole Kidman in Versace...blech. Lace dress by Bibhu Mohapatra

Nicole Richie...yawn. This Emilio Pucci sheath would have been beautiful.

Kate Winslet...yuck-a-duck. I would have picked this ivory gown by Giambattista Valli for her.

*Just a little fashion tip to put in your back pocket. Dark reduces and light enlarges. So let's say your nether regions are a tad...uh...robust? Either go totally monochromatic or dark on the bottom and light on the top. Capisce?

And then someone who should have worn ivory and didn't.

Michelle Williams...bless her little vintage soul. Talk about a drapery panel waiting to happen.

This Valentino would have been so cute on her.

And now to the color portion of our show.

Natalie Portman. This fuschia gown by Martin Grant has a more modern clean silhouette.

Sarah Michelle Gellar in Monique Lhuillier. Navy gown by Jason Wu.

I usually love anything Monique Lhuillier designs, but this just looks like a drop cloth from my last painting project. I luuuuuuuv the Jason Wu dress. It would have looked gorgeous on SMG.

Reese Witherspoon. Red belted dress by Donna Karan.

"Oh hey y'awl. I saw Britney Spears at the KFC yesterday and she gave me some stylin' tips on my har and lent me this here dress. I think I'll go to the car show after this and see if I can get some work."

...alot of people thought this was a perfect choice for Reese, but I totally disagree...and I can do that, because...well, because it's my blog...see how that works? It's a beautiful thing to be queen. =)

Debra Messing. Black tulle gown by Badgley & Mischka

Tons and tons of fabric...it just seems like this adds so much visual weight to her. Doesn't Rachel Zoe usually style Debra Messing? I think maybe it's time for a little change in the lineup. The Badgley Mischka gown...how va-va-va-licious is that? I think this would have been a show stopper on her.

...so, I've run out of time, but check back in later...the Osbourne's...oh my...I think Ozzy may be styling them. Stay tuned, Miss Bea. 

Messing around.

Dear Debra Messing and Meg Ryan~

I'm always amazed when I run to the grocery or the post office as to what disheveled state of affairs most people will leave the house looking like. I've seen people in their pajamas. I've seen women with curlers in their hair. I once saw a woman in the check out lane at Kroger with Crest white strips on her teeth...upper and lower...trying to talk to the cashier without spitting. On occasion, I will take a mad dash out my front door to put a letter in the mailbox and inevitably UPS or FedEx or worse, one of my neighbors will drive by and see me out by the curb in a ripped BonJovi tshirt and my hair all smooshed to the side of my head.

Which brings me to my point...

If I know better than to go out in public in a less that presentable fashion, I would think that a celebrity would be on hyper-alert when it comes to that type of thing.

...obviously not.

I will say though, that there is a part of me that applauds celebrities who just live their lives, like the rest of us, and pay no mind to the paparazzi. But then on the other hand, I think...you wanted to be a star, you chose this career path...so buck up baby...this is part of what it means to constantly be in the public eye...scrutinized every time you're out and about. You want to go makeup commando?...that's fine...just be prepared to get booted from the next issue of "People's 100 Most Beautiful Stars".

Anyway, back to the matter at hand...I'm really tired of Meg Ryan dressing like a boy. I'd love to see her in a cute skirt with leggings and a flat boot. And Debra...? Where do I begin? You can keep the black turtleneck, but just put everything else in the drop box at Salvation Army. And honestly, I don't even know if they can get rid of it.

Toodle-ooo, Miss Bea