dear beyonce

Marc Jacobs Fall 2011

Whoa...someone has been watching way too many reruns of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.  I mean, I applaud you for wearing something more tailored and conservative, but compared to what you usually wear?...yea, I felt like someone had just given my chest a massage with a defibrillator. Yeesh! Give a gal some warning before you dress like that again. 

Anyhoo...rather than styling you like an Amish Oompa Loompa, here's what I would suggest next time you step out for Sunday brunch. Oompa loompa doopity doo, Miss Bea

Styled for Beyonce by Miss Bea Heyvin

Tack-o-grammy

The Grammy Awards are tomorrow night...woo hoo [she said sarcastically]...like we need one more opportunity to inflate the ego-centricity of this group of narcissists.

...oooo...that was a little harsh...

Anyway, Grammy fashion has always had the reputation for being a tad more edgy, with the tack-o-meter gigging like a trucker after a burrito buffet. But, whether sublime or ridiculous, it's like a train wreck you just can't stop staring at.

So here are pics of the 2010 red carpet with my fashion recommendations. [I'm sure Beyonce and Taylor are biting their nails wondering what to wear tomorrow...] 

Elie Saab may be a little to sophisticated for Beyonce,
but one can always hope she'll up her game.

I'd love to see Fergie in this flirty little number from Giles Deacon.

Maybe a dress Lady Gaga could actually sit down in...
and with a little Pledge she could make herself useful
and dust at the same time.
[Dress by Marchesa]

Heidi in Byblos

Kidman in Donna Karan

Rihanna in Pedro Laurenco

I like Taylor Swift's style. I think she'd look gorgeous in this Dennis Basso gown.

Carrie Underwood in one of my new favorite designer, Alexis Mabile.

Moons over Miami by Jennifer Hudson. sheesh...
 Gown by Carlos Miele.

Miranda, the days of buying a gown off the rack at David's Bridal are over for you.
Time to put on your big girl panties and make friends with Elie Saab.

Katy Perry in Giafranco Ferre.

oh beehive

...get it? 'oh beehive'...austin powers?.. [cheesy smirk]

Margaret Vinci Heldt

ELMHURST, Ill.(UPI) -- A 92-year-old Illinois woman credited with creating the beehive hairdo is being honored on the 50th anniversary of the style. Margaret Vinci Heldt of Elmhurst is being honored by SmithBucklin Services, manager of trade association Cosmetologists Chicago, for her 1961 creation, which she said was inspired by a hat she owned at the time, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday. Paul Dykstra, vice president of SmithBucklin Services, said the beehive "revolutionized styling and created a decade-long fashion trend." Dykstra said the trade association has created a scholarship in Heldt's name to commemorate her contribution to the world of hairstyles.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The Divine Miss M

A softer modern version

Beyonce

J Lo

Marge Simpson

Amy Winehouse (1983-2011) so very sad

A little more relaxed version...not quite so 'wound' up.

Funny girl...ironic iconic.

I'd just like to go on record by saying, it really torches my biscuits that there is a hairstyle out there that's younger than I am. hrrrmmph...Miss Bea.


Addendum 2-17-2011

Towering beehives and more cat's eyes at Ivana Helsinki,

New York Fashion Week, Feb 2011.

Addendum September 2011

Scarlett Johansen

Cheryl Cole

Addendum May 8, 2012

Brigitte Bardot

Ivana Helsinki 2011 runway show

balmain sale woo hoo!

If you haven't heard yet, I just wanted to make sure you knew that net-a-porter is having a designer sale. AND (this is the best part), that Balmain crystal jacket you've been eyeing all season? Is now 30% off! I know, I know...could you just die? It's been all the buzz here in the midwest. All the soccer moms are talking about whether to buy it or feed their family for the rest of the year. Originally $11,410, it's now a mere $7,987 dollars! Woo hoo! I will say though that the little gal wearing it in the Balmain ad below looks a tad malnourished. But then, with the price of the jacket, $1597 for the sandals and another $2165 for the ripped up jeans, well I guess it stands to reason that a body would be existing on Wendy's soda crackers and tap water in order to have the dubious honor of being the fashionista of the PTA.

Kind of makes me wonder though who Balmain considers their target audience when the creative director put his/her stamp of approval on the design direction of this ad. Hmmm. It would have to be someone who appreciates a good artery-clogging-gravy-covered-deep-fried-down-home-country-meal and maybe has an obnoxious amount of disposable income...you know, the kind that rivals the national debt. Let's see...

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, Miss B.