wake up and smell the music

Well, the American Country Music Awards were last evening and unfortunately tacky did not take the night off. I don't know why it's always a shock to me that famous, talented people, who have the means and celebrity to dress well, end up looking like a lard bucket full of armpits. Case in point...

Leann Rimes. Does she irritate everyone else as much as she does me? It's an awards show honey, not buck-a-shot night at the Whiskey Hole.

If it were me and I was wearing a Smurf-blue suit, I think I would just quietly slip in a side door rather than parade myself in front of a bizillion photographers. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that if you can play the banjo and sing about putting a live chicken in your underwear, that you'd be allowed entrance into a country music awards show.

It appears Sara Evans borrowed Angelina Jolie's leg for the ACM awards, and the dress from Betty White. This Monique Lhuillier gown would have been killer on her.

Monique Lhuillier

Miranda...sweetie. This dress makes you look like a gilded Bartlett pear. A couple tips here:

1)Never ever ever wear a dress without some type of foundation support for the girls...cause they are heading south faster than a teenager on spring break.
2)These type of sheath dresses only look good on runway models or those who are curve-deficient. For the rest of us, we end up looking like a boa constrictor after lunch. You'd do better with something that defines your waistline and then floats away from the body. Like this little number from Ralph Lauren.

And Nicole...sigh...

I looked and looked at this picture, waffling back and forth about what was bugging me so much about it. And, I think I finally came to the conclusion that Nicole needs to wear softer, more feminine silhouettes. She has a penchant for wearing tight bodycon dresses, and with her tall, thin frame, I think it comes across too severe. And, even though she tends to wear alot of black, maybe black isn't the most flattering color on her. If you looked in the dictionary under "death eating a cracker"...well...you get where I'm going. I think something like this from Pamella Roland would be pretty on her.

So ending on a positive note. Hillary Scott. She's been on my bad side for awhile. Gorgeous girl, but just doesn't seem to know how to dress her body type. Well, wham-bam- thankyou-maam...absolute perfection last night!

And an honorable mention to Kimberley, Carrie and Taylor. Well done ladies!

a different kind of hoe down in Vegas

So the Academy of Country Music awards was last weekend. The reason I know this is that it pre-empted one of my favorite shows, The Amazing Race. So with that in mind, I have to say I was a little tweaked going into the thing...even before viewing the red carpet fashion...which, by the way was...ick-to-infinity. Do they not use stylists in Nashville? Like maybe Carrie Underwood does, but the rest I think shop Loretta Lynn's yard sales and call it a day. And Jennifer Nettles...be warned...you have now shot to number one on my "What Was She Thinking??!!!" list. Anyway, here's the run down on the hoe down in Vegas.

First up, Carrie Underwood. Usually I love whatever she wears, but this just does nothing for her. It reminds me of purple pup tent with a sequined fanny pack. So, many other gorgeous purple gowns out this season, especially by Andrew Gn and Monique Lhuillier (psst...the gal who made your wedding gown...call her, m'kay?)

Pamela Roland, Monique Lhuillier and Andrew Gn

Then we have Miranda Lambert in way-off-white. The straps on this needed to be taken up and the huge sequined belt just accentuated her apple shape. Not the best pick for her.

Badgely Mischka, Carmen Marc Valvo, Marchesa, Elie Saab

Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum. What a gorgeous girl. Hair and makeup spot on, but I think I hate this dress just about as much as when my mom made me wear double crinolines Easter of '62. Try sitting down in that and not showing your underwear. Anyway...this dress is just awful.

It looks like an Esther Williams long line bathing suit. 

Yea...you thought I was totally making that up...Miss Bea is not playin'.

Anyway, an A-line shape with fabrics that flow would have been a much better choice, I think.

Monique Lihuillier, Chad Ralph Rucci and Pamela Roland

Last, and certainly someone who should know better is Nicole Kidman.

We get it. You're super thin. You like tailored clothes...blah blah blah. But this is so severe. And good luck going to the ladies room in that...hopefully you brought a shoe horn and a vat of vaseline. Anyway, there are plenty of tailored dresses out there that would be so much more flattering. Just because you can wear something that's skin tight, doesn't mean you should. Little fashion tip...make nice with designer Erin Fetherston and wear her stuff all-the-time. It would look fabulous on you.

Erin Fetherstone, Behnaz Sarafpour and Pamela Roland (again)

Don't it make your brown eyes, blue...Miss Bea

Tack-o-grammy

The Grammy Awards are tomorrow night...woo hoo [she said sarcastically]...like we need one more opportunity to inflate the ego-centricity of this group of narcissists.

...oooo...that was a little harsh...

Anyway, Grammy fashion has always had the reputation for being a tad more edgy, with the tack-o-meter gigging like a trucker after a burrito buffet. But, whether sublime or ridiculous, it's like a train wreck you just can't stop staring at.

So here are pics of the 2010 red carpet with my fashion recommendations. [I'm sure Beyonce and Taylor are biting their nails wondering what to wear tomorrow...] 

Elie Saab may be a little to sophisticated for Beyonce,
but one can always hope she'll up her game.

I'd love to see Fergie in this flirty little number from Giles Deacon.

Maybe a dress Lady Gaga could actually sit down in...
and with a little Pledge she could make herself useful
and dust at the same time.
[Dress by Marchesa]

Heidi in Byblos

Kidman in Donna Karan

Rihanna in Pedro Laurenco

I like Taylor Swift's style. I think she'd look gorgeous in this Dennis Basso gown.

Carrie Underwood in one of my new favorite designer, Alexis Mabile.

Moons over Miami by Jennifer Hudson. sheesh...
 Gown by Carlos Miele.

Miranda, the days of buying a gown off the rack at David's Bridal are over for you.
Time to put on your big girl panties and make friends with Elie Saab.

Katy Perry in Giafranco Ferre.